Better, rougher, but not good enough

That's been the feelings running through my head these last few weeks. My liver numbers have been very slow to recover, which is frustrating on many fronts. Especially when this drug has been the only thing to slow the beast for the last year and a half.

You'd think being off of a chemo drug you'd immediately feel better. Not so. I've continued to feel worse each day, in my gut, liver area and overall body inflammation. I wasn't sure if I'd caught something or if the flu like feeling these last 4-5 days was from detoxing. I'm hopeful it's the latter.

I've had to take several days and just rest, doing little else, so I have the energy to get up and going on the days where I have important plans. That's ok, but frustrating. It seems like the more I lay around, the more I feel achy and worse.

Today I got in another bike ride. Confession time, I rode most of the time with my shirt off to increase surface area for some sunlight to maybe help with getting the bilirubin numbers down.

But the good news tonight was a late evening call from the trial director to tell me I'm back on as of tomorrow. I start taking the drug again and will have a quick blood test next week to see how my body does right after starting it up again.

I'm going to try doing all I can to keep those bilirubin numbers down. But if they shoot right back up I'll have to take another break and try again at lower and likely less effective dosage. For now, let's hope I can find a way to keep my liver happy and blood in an acceptable range. Just happy to be back on the chemo which if nothing else helps keep the anxiety down of not receiving any treatment and cancer growing unabated!