Welcome to Spinter

I saw this phrase used the first time this week and it made me laugh. Not familiar with it? Spinter is the season between Winter and Spring, very common and often prolonged in Utah. Utah doesn’t really abide by any arbitrary calendar date for season, and we jokingly refer to Utah as bipolar when it comes to making the seasonal transition. Earlier this week I was out biking in near 60º weather only days after some heavy rain and snow. Now once again this weekend is is looking to return to some late winter precipitation.

Now I’m not complaining mind you, it’s part of where I live and I enjoy the seasons and even change of seasons. And also its unpredictability is easy to apply to my life. While I try to jump into each day with hope for good feelings and making the most of the time I have, each day has it’s own weather pattern I have to navigate that may include clouds, rain or snow, driving wind…or perhaps if I’m lucky some patches of sunshine when I can get out and enjoy a ride.

After taking a day off for some needed rest yesterday, I arose early for my Friday Bikram Yoga. This is always a bit of a mental effort after the typical fitful sleep, but I do it knowing it will be tough but rewarding. I arrived early this week and feeling ready to get focused and be present in my practice. Arriving early is always preferred because I get that extra time to lie in meditation and work to find my peace and presence before I get started. This morning I checked my watch after feeling that calm settle in and saw my heart rate was down to 35 bpm. Crazy low.

Here I have to admit, this was the first time in my memory that I really didn’t enjoy my yoga practice. It’s often hard, and sometimes downright exhausting, but I always come away feeling like I have derived some good and better for the effort. I like the process, the learning, and all the benefits I receive each time. I had seen walking in the instructor today was not one of my favorites. I’m really not a fan of his delivery of instruction in cadence, phrases and tone. Right off I knew that set me in the wrong frame of mind, in recognizing that I made a conscious effort to try and correct my thinking. No matter who or how the instruction is delivered, the practice is mine and it’s up to me to derive my own benefits and find my flow within the practice.

Repeatedly through the class I found myself pulled out of focus and presence with what I found was a delivery interrupted with negative statements and corrections to students with a tone and demeaning feel. The choice of words, the tone and even stopping to tell people things like “Why aren’t you listening to me? If you’re going to keep doing it wrong, why are you even here?” phrases just pulled down the energy of the room. At one point I was supposed he seemed to justify his demeanor by saying “It’s my job to push you, correct you not coddle you. If you are coming every day and not suffering what does that say about your instructors the rest of the time. They’re not doing their jobs.” Yikes. I kept wondering if it was just me feeling this was happening and pushing myself to pull back into my own focus, but as I peeked around the room I could see others looking at each other with a raised eyebrow and shake of the head.

Despite working hard to stay within my own flow I found myself waiting to have any of this directed specifically to me as I struggled with any particular pose. In my mind I had rebuttals already forming. Hey buddy, you don’t know the struggles happening in my life already I’m working against and through. The pains that are present and the reasons my balance may be off or I have to pull out of a posture that’s pushing on a bad spot. This is what I’ve got today, so just let it be. More than once the thought entered my mind to just get up and leave. I don't need this.

But that’s all wrong I kept reminding myself.

I have no idea where his life is at. What has brought him to this day? What might be contributing to his feeling of wanting to push us beyond and out of what he obviously perceived as needing to be shifted in the practice that day. While I didn’t enjoy the instruction or delivery, I could still choose to put forth my best effort and derive my personal benefits in the practice no matter the stormy weather I was feeling.

And so I did. On Friday’s I have to leave right before the end, which isn’t ideal, but I am pushing my time limits as I have to rush back and get my oldest (disabled) son quickly ready for his paratransit to the day program. As I arose the instructor quipped “don’t leave, get back down. Why are you leaving?” I shook my head with the smallest hint of a smile. I knew this would happen, so I was ready and just said “I have to go.” He continued “what’s five more minutes? You came all this time, you can finish.” Again, I reminded myself this is his attempt and motivation and he just doesn’t understand. I simply looked him in the eye and reiterated, “I have to go and get my adult son on his bus” and left it at that.

As I left I didn’t feel any angst or negativity. I had worked it throughout the class and understood there was much I likely didn’t understand, and I can find joy even amidst storms or unpredictable weather. How we choose to manage our own feelings and efforts within that weather makes all the difference. Do we lament the storm and stew in the juices of negative reactions to our situation or do we choose to find the joy in the moment despite of or even within the elements we are situated?

I think we all know the right answer to that question. Of course that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier in the moment, but knowing we have that choice to make can make a big difference in how we react and make the most of every moment regardless of the “weather” we find ourselves in. As I’ve mentioned before as a photographer I’ve learned that often the greatest beauty can be found in the midst of stormy weather with skies full of the rich texture of complex clouds and pockets of light.

And this is life. No matter our adversity or where we are in our journey there will always be days of clear skies and joy and days of dark and difficult weather. We can choose to find joy in the journey and even in the midst of the darkest of skies filled with angry clouds and precipitation. If we look hard enough we can still find that beauty and joy in every part.