Another Day in the Books

Another day of recovery started. Which means another day in the books. I go back and forth on whether to write my typical long updates with rambling thoughts of the highs and lows, and whether to just keep it short and say “all is well.” Hopefully some read these longer musings and find it entertaining. Mostly I’m writing for myself to both occupy my time and distract me from the boredom, pain and feeling of zero productivity.

Anyone who’s been in a hospital for any length of time knows the routine. It may vary some based on the severity of what brought you in, but it’s all about managing pain, getting your body to function right again, and to get you moving and back home as soon as possible. I’m anxious to do all those things, so I’m up and about as much as possible and pushing my body to heal.

I mentioned before, #GoBeyond is still in my mind. Sure I need to be smart, but if I can do it, I’m going to get my butt out of bed and lap that hospital floor as many times as I can stand it. Every lap is 1/10 a mile, so easy math. Today started with 10 laps, so 1 mile so far. The pain doc today stopped by to discuss the process of transitioning to pills today and removing the epidural. She got to join me on 3 of those laps because I wasn’t done yet. She smiled and seemed happy to join in the fun.

On to “real” food

Can we all agree that hospital food isn’t “real” food? Yeah, bland and not what I’d select as food options, but I’m happy to be on to this next stage. Solid foods are on the menu because I started “tooting” yesterday. Yep, my goals in here are similar to a toddler’s where passing some gas is a good thing. I feel like an idiot discussing my bowel and urinary functions with complete strangers, but I get it. These things are important to the basic operations of our body. So I’m gassing with gusto and trying to reduce the bloating in my abdomen and pressure on my inline incision.

It was almost comical the switch from clear liquids to foods yesterday. Lunch was chicken broth, grape juice and a popsicle. Early dinner was mac-and-cheese, chicken and green beans with a side of manderine oranges. Someone didn’t get the memo about what a transition looks like. I self regulated and only ate a portion of everything. I’m on what’s called 6 smalls, which is 6 small meals a day. They only bring me the 3 meals and I have to request saltines and graham crackers in between.

This morning was this little tray of fun eggs, warm milk and a side of apple sauce. It’s funny when they set the tray down I looked at it with some forlorn feeling of hunger. I seriously wondered if I was going to be hungry all morning. Then I slowly at the eggs and felt stuffed. Guess my eyes really are bigger than my stomach right now. (Queue small stomach jokes).

While I hope I’m conveying the positive way I feel about working to recovery, it’s already a process and we’re only at the beginning. I find myself bouncing between periods of energy and making my big walks, sitting up and spending some computer time writing thank yous, then quickly dropping in energy to the point of slurring my speech and dropping exhausted back in the hospital bed for a couple hours of napping to recuperate. While I think I can use my mind over body limitations, there are limitations I have to respect. I’m working hard to realize and remind myself of this need before my body reminds me in more unpleasant ways.

Thank You, and Thank You Again

Part of why I want to sit up at the computer for a few minutes each day is not only to share this journey, but also to share my thanks. I’ve been trying to write thank yous to people who have donated to the GoFundMe, that have purchased shirts, and just to communicate back a thanks to those that offer support in words of encouragement and love. We are getting ready to submit the t-shirt order soon, so get your order in if you’d like to be a part of the “I Choose To Live” message.

I’ve also felt the love of those that reach out with their own trials and offer empathy or ask for their own needs of support. There are trials all around us, and many in the depths of difficulty and despair. I’m happy that some of my friends or friends of friends feel comfortable reaching out and sharing their own stories and ideas for treatment and life.

What’s Next?

That’s kind of a loaded question. What’s next in the upcoming days is hopefully removing the epidural, IV and getting off the short term pain meds. Then next is coming home and starting my own recovery efforts there. Long term next? That’s a bigger question.

Recovery is still on the table for weeks to come. Healing, retraining my digestion, gaining normal energy and daytime hours. All these are still short and mid term goals. What comes after that is still a bigger question to me. I don’t know the complete answer there. I will of course need to get back working to help provide for my family, but what that looks like in a new normal post-surgery is possibly different. What do I do with this valuable gift of time that surgery gives me? It’s not just about cycling and working, but those are parts of life. While sitting here in the hospital I feel the desire to do more. Something more than just the day to day. The day to day does sound good compared to what I’ve got now, but given a shorter lifespan being a surety, it feels like I need to figure out what that looks like. I don’t know the answer, but I’m determined to find it, pursue it, and live it.

Hug those you love, be happy and choose to live. Those all sound like good things about now.