To be a little better

It’s been awhile. How are ya? It’s been a few weeks since we’ve last spoken. It’s me, not you.

You see, I’ve been pretty busy working, traveling to work, then back home and back to work. First Hawaii as an event photographer for a week, home for a week playing catch up, then gone another week in Cabo as an event editor. These opportunities for work offer something different and challenging, and that's something I thoroughly enjoy. It does take some sacrifice by not only myself but also my family and even work to make it all come together. But what an adventure.

I appreciate everything and everyone that makes it possible to do this kind of work to support my family and enjoy the process.

But now all that is done. I have nothing on my calendar that includes travel and I’m working hard to get back into some of my routines and to secure my “what’s next” in various parts of my life. Work, family, health. All of it.

It can be a bit scary at times coming off of some hard but exciting things, then to come back to the reality that includes less structure and more uncertainty. It’s easy when you are busy and somewhere different to put aside the hard stuff and just be in the moment. Forget that I need to find more work to provide for my family. To forget that health is still pretty uncertain and that you need to fight harder than the next guy. To forget that life is a gift worth living, each day and every day, to it’s fullest.

In this last week since coming back from my last work adventure, I’ve wanted to write some kind of update with various thoughts I had during the travels. Something about my continuing efforts. And I did, write. But then I felt like it was all trite, rehashing of some of the things I’d said before. Just a lot of…blah. So I threw those writings away.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have anything more to say. I’ve said it. You’ve already heard it. Do you need to hear anything more?

The cancer struggle? Yeah, it’s still there. It’s pretty much the same and will be for a long time. In fact it’s likely going to be the same for at least another year. Does anyone care that I’m still tired every day, that it gets harder some days and some weeks strung together? Not really. People are kind and say nice things, but in the end they have their own lives and struggles to worry about. Mine? It’s just another struggle in a world full of struggles. And you know what? I’m ok with that. But that still means each day the extra effort is necessary, and I need to find the motivation to put forth that effort. To be positive in the face of a long, tireless adversity.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to share my health story again with someone hearing it for the first time. It’d been awhile actually. There are some highlights and milestones that I typically offer to explain where I’ve been, what I’ve learned and what I’ve become to this point. While I’ve told this summary hundreds of times now, I realized again yesterday that it’s my story and I’m still living it. That I have to choose each day to live, including all the work and effort that often requires.

I’m reminded that my story isn’t just mine, but includes my family and all the impact it has on them with the choices I make and the efforts required. How easy it is to get overly focused on what I need, what I need to do, and what impacts me. Remembering that looking first to what they need often makes what I need much easier to forget.

I really don’t know where I’m going with all these thoughts. Mostly to say I’m still here and I’m still working hard each day to not only survive, but to do something more. Yet in the midst of that effort, I still have those thoughts that we all have, of highs and lows and internal pep talks just to get through what’s next. Then we look for the good in the day and try to learn from the less good in the hopes of doing better next time we are faced with those same circumstances.

So today I resolve to try a little harder, do a little more and be a little more productive. To make a difference in someone’s life other than my own. To bring about a smile or even a happy tear. To lighten the burden someone might be carrying. To lift someone up rather than remind them where they fail. To have a little more patience. To show more appreciation. To be a little better.

Then tomorrow I’ll wake up and do it again.