Recalibrating Expectations

Lately it seems an almost daily requirement to adjust to the latest happenings, or lack of happenings. Adjusting to disappointing news or more commonly of late, waiting for something to move in the effort to find my next treatment. Then when new information comes in, trying to find what I can do to adapt to what we know now and find what I can do next. And along the way, keep attitudes up and hope doing the best we can under the circumstances.

I’ve been meaning to write again for a little while, but as becomes typical for me I’ve wanted to have a new event or something of significance to report. That just hasn’t been happening at the speed I would expect with the organizations and efforts with which we are working. That also once again seems to relate to my other healthy efforts as I am known to do.

For those that have followed me over these last couple of years have likely seen (and tired) of my regular posts touting new achievements and efforts on a bike, outdoor or in the gym. I had someone ask me today if I was a “pro” cyclist of some kind. After a good chuckle I just replied “no, I’m just a recent enthusiast.” It’s all about perspective right? I definitely don’t classify myself anywhere near those that are actually good at this sport, but I’ve sure enjoyed having a place I can find achievement when so many other areas are out of my control.

Lately the treatments I’ve been on and changes in my body have had an increasingly negative impact on my performance on the bike. It can be downright frustrating to know I’m trying just as hard only to see the numbers drop consistently over time. My watts, cal/hr and overall mileage has dropped week after week, while my heart rate continues to climb during exercise. That’s actually a known side effect of the latest drug I’m still on among other things including that patch of white you see in my eyebrow. Most of my facial hair is turning white or clear over the last two months. Crazy to see it go that fast. Back on exercise, I’m still in a good range, but when I watch every session closely for change, I sure notice.

The spin bikes in the Rec Center where I attend are actually what got me thinking about recalibration. The bikes run on batteries that only the staff can change, and over time they all fail slowly in a way that is hard to replicate at first. They don’t just shut off, they will “zero” out in the middle of your session periodically for awhile before bouncing back. We all groan when this happens because the bike computer keeps running the time but dropping all our performance numbers as if we’ve stopped moving. Oh how we hate that!

We complain and eventually, big stress on eventually, the batteries will get changed. Not at first though, because they will come turn on the bike and say “it’s working” and determine we’re just a bunch of whiners. At least that’s our theory.

When the batteries do finally get changed or even before we sometimes ask about getting the bike reset to hopefully recalibrate the sensors to quite determining we’re a bunch of lazy riders. This was done recently on “my” bike (I ride the same bike each time because I want to measure against a known bike computer and because of the bike’s proximity to a large fan!) and immediately it started registering my same effort at about half a mile per hour slower. I had to laugh, but deep down I kept doubting it was the bike and pushing myself to quit being lazy and pick it up. Finally I had to accept my numbers were going to be lower once again and recalibrate my expectations of what I could do in a session.

Back to life and how this all applies. In my view measurement and recalibration are a big part of finding success in setting and reaching goals. It’s also a big part of keeping our expectations within achievable limits, and avoiding getting depressed when we don’t reach what might be now out of reach due to circumstances out of our control. Keeping the same old goal out of sheer stubbornness may work at times and for some people, but I find it’s more often a recipe for disappointment or giving up. We can keep on an upward trajectory toward our goal and overall improvement while actively monitoring our progress and adjusting for the hills and valleys that are inevitable along the way.

My battle with cancer is definitely another case in which I am constantly having to recalibrate, frequently. Since determining I have failed the latest drug I’ve been actively seeking and applying for a clinical trial to give me a next treatment option. For 4 weeks I reached out via referral and personal contact to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester only to be left unanswered and thrown around to various departments that also apparently did nothing. I reached out to contacts with the pharmaceutical company sponsoring the trials and they put some pressure that finally resulted in some contact. Yea! Now that has been another two weeks of hurry up and wait to get my records transferred and even schedule an evaluation to be sure I’m eligible.

Fast forward to yesterday I get a call from the Huntsman Cancer Institute. They have the same trial running (I didn’t know this) and had an opening. Wahoo! Close and much more accessible. Flip to this morning when I call to follow up on what I can do next, and they inform me that my insurance doesn’t cover their facility so all the non-trial aspects of the treatment would be at my out of network expense, which is way too much to cover out of pocket. Way too much. I’m trying to see if there are some options between the HCI and my insurance that might work around this, but it’s looking like it’s actually going to be required for me (and cheaper despite my portion of travel expenses) to go to Phoenix to be “in network” versus the qualified facility right by me. Ugh. So stupid.

So we keep adjusting to what we can do, what we learn, and recalibrating our expectations of what can happen next. All this in the hopes of doing all we can in the fight to improve, extend and cherish life. And we’ll keep being the squeaky wheel, pushing for options ad doing all we can.